The personal guide to doing things alone and learning to enjoy your own company through making solo plans.
Now, this is a blog post I didn’t think I’d ever be writing, but here we are. I used to be very consumed with other people's lives and the social media standards of a good life, but I had to think to myself why I couldn't enjoy the moments that I had and appreciate the little things. I also wanted to see why I couldn't do certain things on my own and try to overcome that as one of the biggest hurdles in my life. There was something about my life back then that didn't feel right and I felt like I wasn't making much progress.
I am going to take you through the things that I did alone so that you can see through my eyes how I came about my worries and push myself out of my comfort zones to find that better self that has been held back.
I think it is so important to do some things alone because it not only makes you more confident, but it also gives you that part of your life that you can do whatever you want with it and not depend on other people all the time to make plans, it makes you more aware. You start realising how amazing it can be to have complete control over what you do and it is also a great way of self-reflecting, taking some time away from social interactions.
It’s great to have this empowerment of being able to do whatever you want with your life whenever you want, and most importantly pumping that positive energy into you each time you achieve something by yourself. I found so much energy each time I achieve doing something alone, and it only encouraged me to keep up with this progress, I knew that I had it in me.
You should never worry about what people think of you because your true friends and family will support your decisions like this. Some people may think that you are doing it to get away from them, but it is so important to know that you are doing this for your benefit and not because you want to distance yourself from people and if they decide that that's not what they like to see then let it be.
Now this comes over time so don’t worry about what point you are at, even just going for a coffee or a walk on your own is something to be proud about. At the end of the day, slow and little progress is still progress.
To some, it may not be a big deal to do things alone because they've done it from an early age or been brought up around doing this often, for me, it was something I would constantly overthink myself out of doing. From doing this I have found that I am leaving the house more and also connecting up with the few people that matter to me and that I want to spend time with.
I’m not disregarding making plans with people because I find that amazing as well, but it’s opened up many opportunities for me and helped me become more aware of my capabilities and what needs working on.
Let’s take this for an example, a band you like goes on tour and goes to a place that you’ve always wanted to go to, you can make that happen, it’s possible. I think sometimes you turn down that opportunity before thinking about all avenues because you think “nobody wants to go with me, so I won’t go, but it’s a shame because I wanted to go”. What if that band never performed there again or it was their last show, that moment in time will never return. Taking that step and going for it may be scary at the time, but I promise you you’ll look back on it and be glad that you’ve made some unforgettable memories.
For me if someone doesn’t want to go to a concert, I won’t make them, I’ll make those plans myself. I don't want to regret the moments that I left behind when I could have made them happen.
Below are a few of the things that I have done alone. There is a mixture of simple things and some that are a little more out there.
Some of the things I have done:
Day trips: Back in my university days especially, I would often hop on the train to Birmingham just to browse about, do a little bit of shopping, and take photos. Those days are nice especially if you just want a spontaneous trip out but don't want to make big plans. Sightseeing is one of my favourite things to do when visiting places I haven't been to because there is something special about going to a place fresh-minded and that can be quite exciting or even if you have been to a place before, going more into the hidden and no so obvious spots of that place are interesting also. Now that I am back in Cornwall, I would love to do more trips to Exeter and other places nearby like that because sometimes just taking a day out of my usual routine is needed.
Restaurant: I love to dine out now and again, especially trying out new places or revisiting restaurants to try out new and lush things on the menu, especially seasonal cocktails and desserts, it doesn't take too much to convince me. For me, I like booking in advance so that I can almost know for certain that I am going and not change my mind, but you can do whatever suits you if you prefer walk-ins. I would like to eventually do a few more walk-ins just to build on that bit of confidence as sometimes they will be places that I walk by that I like the look of. I always try to find a nice spot to sit, or the waitresses tend to seat me in a cosy spot, which I love. Just taking in the environment that you are in, reading a book, or going on your phone are a few things that you can do when you are spending some time away at a restaurant or cafe for example.
Coffee shop: These little trips happen fairly often, I love making regular visits to Costa Coffee or sometimes Starbucks. I would love to venture out and try some local coffee shops too as I have done a few times, but not as much as I would have liked to. I just like going to these places, getting myself a nice latte and pastry, and then sitting in a corner somewhere. Taking in the nice decor and enjoying these little moments. I'm going to try and utilise my time in these places to read more or take my laptop to do some work because I spend quite a bit of time on my phone when I sit in restaurants or coffee shops (not saying it's bad thing).
Museum: I went to Bath Museum back in November 2021 for my birthday. I was reluctant at the start because I hadn’t planned it well in advance. I was sitting in a coffee shop thinking about what should I do with this day, and saw that you can book tickets for the Bath Museum. I didn’t want to think too much about it otherwise I wouldn’t have done it, so I booked the ticket and it encouraged me to go because it was put in place. Going around the museum was so nice, I took loads of photos on my phone and DSLR, read up on loads of history, and the day pulled out so lovely, so that topped it. I would like to do more things like this in the future and possibly visit some museums in London and pop up exhibitions because they can be pretty special and immersive in their unique ways.
Shopping: This is one that pretty much became a norm for me going right back to school/ college years. I’ve always found the times when I was going shopping on my own quite calming and you can go at your own pace because it's just you. Sometimes we need days where we just want to get out of the house for a bit, break down the day, and treat ourselves to a couple of things such as a B&M trip because there is always something there that I end up buying every time I go or whatever shops you like going to.
Concert: I have done this a couple of times. Some of these times I would meet up with people there which added to the overall experience and made it special, and other times I would be alone for some parts of the concert which was completely okay. The feeling of being in a room with loads of people that have that same interest in a band or artist as you makes you feel something else. Being in that moment of a concert can be so immersive that you forget that you are alone because you are enjoying yourself like everybody else and all those worries and problems have been put out of your mind for this moment.
Staying at a hotel: I have done this a few times, mostly for concerts and one time on my birthday last year. It's pretty exciting to chill out in a different environment that isn't home, plus going out and exploring the place especially if you hadn't been before. I just love going out grabbing some snacks or a takeaway coffee and cake and going back to the hotel to watch some tv. The little things like that just make up for the wonderful experience that you can have without feeling like you have to do loads. I have booked a Christmas trip to London where I will be staying in a modern hotel, which I am very excited about, and will probably write out a little itinerary to make some core memories when I am there.
I feel like over the years, especially from before the pandemic, I’ve changed into a better version of myself, and I want to take you on this journey to show that yes it is daunting but we can get through it, and you aren’t the only one. Don’t ever feel like you are the only one doing things on your own, or that people are going to judge you, you are doing what your younger self will be so proud of.
I hope that this blog post has helped you in any way, or given you some inspiration on how you can make the most out of your time.
Don't forget that it is completely okay to take breaks and not make plans all the time, some of these things I do now and again.
To see more of my solo adventures, I document them a lot over on my Instagram which I will link here. https://www.instagram.com/jasminefitze/
I am hoping to write up some more blogs based on some of my other solo adventures and extend on some of the examples here in their own post.
If you are worried about doing this and want any advice or guidance, then feel free to message me on Instagram, I am more than happy to help you through this.